Babe is one of the most watched movies here at our house. In fact, it is so loved by us that when we got our new puppy we contemplated naming him Babe, Fly or Rex. That's beside the point, but fun to mention. Anyhow it's a cute movie about achieving what seems impossible to some. In one part of the movie Ferdinand, a duck who wants to be a rooster to avoid being eaten, is in a conversation with Babe and a local farm cow discussing how sad he is that Rosanna, his friend, has been slaughtered. The cow says to Ferdinand, "The only way you'll find happiness is to accept that the way things are is they way things are." To which Ferdinand replies, "'The way things are' stinks! I'm not gonna be a goner, I'm gone! I wish all of you the best of luck."
That's how Kenzie felt this week when faced with going back to school. Really, she had a moment where she wanted to fly the coop and I felt, when I said you have to go back to school, just like the cow saying...The way things are is the way things are. Now put on your big girl pants and march back into that high school. It was such a terrible fight to get her back in the building that I went back to work discouraged and worried. I sat thinking and pondering on the possible alternatives we had to regular schooling.
It's not very often that I fight with McKenzie because when we fight the fights escalate into this kind of frenzied feeling for me and her. Brad is much better at dealing with her in these moods because he can make her laugh, relax and then somehow bring her back in to face the moment. He does the same to me. Frantic for help I began to discuss with Brad the different options we had for schooling McKenzie. It's so nice to have a partner to ground us, isn't it? "Chelsey", he said to me, "if McKenzie can't learn to face the school and the challenges of a rigorous schedule where none of her friends are in her classes, how is she going to be able to cope with challenges that will naturally occur in her life? What if she bought a dental practice and her patients didn't like her at first because she wasn't the old doctor? Could she just stay at home and not face the situation head on? No, she would have to work it out and she can with this too." And I realized that his logic was dead on and that McKenzie would be okay.
And McKenzie was okay. That very night Brad spoke with her in his humor, made her laugh at herself and somehow helped her find the right tools to deal with her anxieties.
My point in blogging about this is I think as parents, today, we have a tendency to want to fix all our kids' problems for them. We want to take on the bully that was mean to them at school, yell at the teacher who, for some reason, doesn't like their boisterous personality or do their homework assignment for them when they are just too tired.
While, I do believe that there are certainly times one must stick up for their children (and certainly protect them), I think we are all too quick to think our child can't deal with it themselves. Children are much stronger than you think. One of the best things I ever did as a parent for my Jordan was stay close to him, make sure he knew he was loved, give him a hug every night when he cried when we first moved here and then send him to school the next day even though he was being bullied so badly at school because he was new. You will never meet a more empathetic person to new kids than Jordan. He understands how difficult it is to leave old friends behind and make your way new in a school. Know that many times, I wanted to go in and talk to the administration and my husband said, no that Jordan needed to deal with this.
Be careful of wanting to create a perfect life for our children, thus taking away any challenges they face. When we take away the difficulty, there is no learning opportunity and no room for growth of character.
So yes, we made Kenzie go to school and not fly the coop...because "The way things are is the way things are." And while Babe certainly still was a pig, through his kindness, intuitiveness and determination discovered his role on the farm...a role that surprised all.
So Kenz...here's my song for you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pExCByqi0NU
Like Farmer Hogget believed in Babe, I believe in you.
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