How long must one stay silent?

That is my question today.  There is so much divisiveness in our current world, divisiveness that wasn't there when I was younger.  Divisiveness that I most certainly didn't feel.

The other day, over Christmas break, I was on the light rail traveling from the Denver Airport to a meeting my husband and I had to attend.  I noticed everyone that got on.  I noticed the older black gentleman who boarded and I thought, "Does he hate me because I'm white?  Does he see that I am white?"  I noticed the middle Easterner and thought, "Could he be a terrorist?"  And I noticed the white, disheveled man and wondered, "Is this the crazy guy that's going to shoot us all?"  I noticed them all.  I noticed their color.  I noticed their appearance.  I noticed the way they held themselves.  I noticed if they were with a boy or a girl.  I noticed.

I grew up in a wealthier suburb of Seattle Washington.  When I was in the eighth grade I had some very close friends named Noni and Robert.  I was especially close with Robert that year because we rode the bus from our homes to the junior high together every day.  Robert was a cool kid.  He was a funny kid.  Robert always called me, "nigger".  I don't know why.  I didn't think anything of it.  I didn't know what it meant.  It was just a word he used.  Then, one day when I was with Noni and Robert I called Noni "nigger".  Noni was immediately angered, which I totally understand now, but at the time didn't.  I was confused and hurt when she was so angry.  If Robert could use the word and it was okay, why couldn't I?  After all, we were all the same weren't we?  Noni's brother threatened to come and beat me up.  After many apologies, Noni forgave me.  You can bet though that after the fallout from that I never used the nigger word again.

Why am I sharing this story?  Not because I think the word nigger is okay to use.  Not because I think Noni was in the least bit wrong to have been mad at me but to make the point that I used that word because I didn't think of myself as any different than Noni or Robert.  It was the first time that it was pointed out to me that I was different.  You see, Noni and Robert were both black....and I was white.

My 2nd big crush was on Bryan Agbalog.  He wasn't white. I don't even know what nationality he was...perhaps he was of an Islander descent, like Moana.

My best friend in high school was Susan Miller.  She was half white and half Vietnamese.  She was the smartest girl I knew.

What does White mean anyway?  Does it mean you're from Spain, Argentina, England, France, where?  Why do I have to put down what color I am on any form that I have to fill out for the government?  Why do I have to put down what color my children are on every form every year that they have to fill out for school?

I would say Susan was half American and half Vietnamese but when I lived in Argentina for two years it was pointed out to me that they live in America too.

I was with my friend, Karina, the other day eating lunch.  She took me out for my birthday.  When I am with Karina I don't see color, I only see my friend.  Karina is latina.

But today, it doesn't just stop with color, does it?

Today there was a woman's march protesting the inequality of women.  Do you know that they asked all women who are pro-life supporters to not attend the march?  I am a pro-life supporter.  If I am pro-life can I not be feminist?

If I voted for Donald Trump does it mean I'm not feminist?  Do you know that I have been afraid to tell people that I voted for President Trump?  That is not okay.  Not in a nation that claims to be diverse and accepting.

I see the signs these feminists are holding up.  The best was this, "He will not divide us."  He...as in Donald Trump He.  No need for him to divide us we are doing it ourselves.

If I am religious and hold to a high moral standard I am judgmental, I am naive.  My opinion is not worth hearing.

I agree, at times, I have been naive and judgmental, but I also listen carefully and I have changed my view on some issues.  You ask for one example?  Evolution.  Yes, I believe in evolution and God.

How though can we have productive conversations when there is so much hate and name calling?  How can we make progress if ours is the only opinion worth listening to?

I want the women marching today to know I hear them.  I understand they are concerned about the rights that may be taken away during this presidency.  I ask them to also hear me.  Hear that I believe in women's rights but I also believe in the sacredness of a child's life.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to see color when I see a person.  It makes me weary.  I want to see them as they truly are.