Mean

When I was in high school I had a crush on this boy named Jeremy who had just moved into our ward, well actually in the other ward that was in the same town as us.  When I say crush, I mean, CRUSH.  I couldn't even speak to him I thought he was so cute.  My best friend Becky went to church with him.  One day while their ward was in session and my ward was not, my best friend had her older brother call me and pretend it was Jeremy.  I was so nervous but excited that he would talk to me.  At the end of the conversation my friend's brother, also another of my good friends, told me it was him and they made fun of me for about a year over the whole thing.  I never thought it was funny...just mean.  And although I eventually got over it and consider them good friends, that one act still kind of hurts thinking about it.  Why would anyone ever do that?

When we first moved here, Jordan got a real hard time from kids at school.  I mean he was teased and called gay and stupid.  He was hit with a ball in the face in the hallway.  Guys would shove him into his locker.  Girls would tell him to leave that he wasn't welcome in their conversation.  Many were the nights he would come home crying.  What does a mom do?  Brad said if he was slapped randomly or hit randomly he should hit the kid back.  When Jordan actually did start standing up for himself so that he wouldn't be bullied I was actually called into the school to have a sit down talk about how quick to anger he was.  I had to really keep myself in check when I told the teachers the real reason behind his behavior.  The worst part of it all?  Some of these kids were kids from church.

I once had one of my friends ask me how Jordan became so kind.  She proceeded to tell me a story of when she was watching him at a party.  She saw him go out of his way to be kind  and include a girl that wasn't really very much a part of the group.  She said that every time she sees Jordan interact with people it is in a kind manner.  I told her that it was directly correlated to the way Jordan had been treated by others in the past.

He got over the experience of his first year here.  No one gave him a hard time after that seventh grade year here but he never really has made any close friends either.  He's kind of been a loner.  This year we were so excited to be going to high school because the two junior highs here come together.  There are a bunch of mormon kids all in Jordan's grade, about 10 in all, that's a lot for here.  They really, for the most part, are great kids.  Like I said we were so excited to have them all together finally, both he and I. I thought they'd really have each other's backs and take care of each other.  I think Jordan felt like he finally wouldn't have to be so alone at school.  The first few weeks it went great.  Then everything started taking a turn for the worse.  I think it all started with one of the girls saying how "touchy" Jordan was.  Another girl told the others, "Don't you think he says homie too much?"  And then, when a different girl found out who he thought was cute she told him how "creeped out" that other girl was.  When the "secret" slipped out another girl quit talking to him.  And tonight, a girl I really like and admire had the gall to say in front of Kenzie that her brother was a "stalker" and the other day when he had saved a table for them all to sit at how funny it was that they ditched him which made Kenzie REALLY upset...so upset she was crying.  She said, "How can I get them to understand that he's just being nice?  How can they be so mean when all he wants is their friendship?"

Actually a good lesson for Kenzie as there is a new girl that she isn't directly mean to in our ward but by simply ignoring her doesn't make the girl feel accepted either.  I have noticed her behavior toward that girl and have told her time and again how that isn't the way should she behave.  It isn't what we're taught in the church. It isn't what Christ would have us be.

I know my kids aren't the only ones that have experienced bullying (I hate to use that word I do think it is overused in our society) or participated in similar behaviors.

This article and the comments associated with it are truly a tragedy.

This video from mormon messages always makes me cry.

I've shown it to my girls in young womens twice.  I tell them sometimes it only takes one to say, "Stop.  That person's not so bad." and then everyone else's view changes.  Sometimes it only takes one to start it all.

My Dad has said that the best person he ever knew was his own father.  His father was the best person he ever knew because he was so kind to everyone, especially to him.  When I think of the person I want to be I remember what my Dad has said and I try to be like my grandfather.  I never want to make a person feel hurt inside because of some unthoughtful thing I've said.  I know I have.  I remember one girl I used to make fun of and if there's any one thing I would go back and change it would be my own treatment of that girl.

The point I want to make through this all is really said more elequently by President Uchtdorf and I will end this post with his words:

"Brothers and sisters, there is enough heartache and sorrow in this life without our adding to it through our own stubbornness, bitterness, and resentment."

"In a world of accusations and unfriendliness, it is easy to gather and cast stones. But before we do so, let us remember the words of the One who is our Master and model: “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone.”

Brothers and sisters, let us put down our stones.

Let us be kind.

Let us forgive.

Let us talk peacefully with each other.

Let the love of God fill our hearts.

“Let us do good unto all men.”^"