My first core belief is this: There is no perfect parent. Even the very best make mistakes and that is true. There is nothing better than admitting this to yourself and to your children. The remedy for this is when you make a mistake say sorry...and then do your best to NEVER repeat the poor action again.
My second core belief is this: No two children will ever see your parenting in the same light. They just won't. My sister, who is only 18 months older, and I have completely different memories of our childhood and completely different views of how it affected us as adults. So, again, accept that what you do will be seen differently by each child you have and let them know, when they say something is not fair, that life isn't fair ;) Thanks Mom!
My third core belief is: you CAN spoil your child too much. My prayer is always: Please let me have the courage to let my child go through trials. That is hard to do as a parent. It is hard to have your child picked on, bullied, or sorrowful and not just want to go in and fix everything. While I do believe there are times when one as a parent must step forward, I think we are too quick in our day to run to our child who has just fallen, lift them up and fix everything that hurts. There is something that they can accomplish when they pick themselves up after they fall...and when they don't you know it is time to step in as a parent. I'm going to go on a little further: I think too many of us drive our kids to school daily because we don't want them to be influenced by "all the bad kids" out there. Too many of us choose their friends for them because we want them to be "in that particular crowd". Too many of us buy them this or buy them that so they're not the only one that doesn't have it, we want our kids to have more than we did. Too many of us yell at that teacher who may not be doing it just they way we would. Too many of us think we can control all aspects of their lives and we are ruining them in the process. We are making them rotten. I'm not sorry I am saying that. It is true and maybe, for some reading this, it is hard to hear, but it must be said. I was amazed when I read the book, The sign of the Beaver, a historically based book and realized that the main character in that was 13. I am currently reading the book, The boys in the boat, and I am amazed to realize that the boy, Joe Rantz, was 15 when he had to start making his way for himself. Not that I am going to take my 15 year old son, Jordan, and leave him here to fend for himself economically, physically and emotionally but I believe the human soul is much more resilient than we realize and that we can, unintentionally, make it impossible for our children to achieve their full potential by being the "helicopter parents" of our day.
Because of my above core belief, my fourth core belief is this: You can NEVER spend too much time with your child whether you are working with them, worshiping with them or playing with them. If you're not going to be spoiling them, you better know them well enough to know when they are truly in trouble. If you are spending time with them trust is built. They know you love them. They know they can talk to you. I'm going to brag about my husband here, he is AWESOME at this. He is the best, honestly. When he works on the dirtbikes, the children work with him. When he builds a shed, the children build it with him. When he goes back country skiing, he takes anyone that wants to go. We poured our concrete driveway together...everyone helped. When he went down the Salmon River, the children who were old enough got to go. He bought the boat to specifically have time to bond with the family. He has them forefront in his mind in all that he does, play and work and I think that is a great gift to our family.
My final core belief is that you must have clear rules, high standards, and must not be afraid to talk to your children about uncomfortable topics. It is necessary in this world. If you don't set standards for your children, the world will and trust me...when I look at the world I think they truly have no moral compass. If that is what you want for your children, then do nothing. Our children know, if there is drugs and alcohol at a party, we will not be present. Our children know that we believe that "marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God" and that "the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife." Our children know that we expect good grades from them, good citizenship from them and kindness to all people. Our children know when someone needs us, like our neighbor who just had his leg amputated, we are there to help.
And the conversations held at our dinner table...if you could be a fly on the wall :) They may be uncomfortable, but they are candid and real and help our children navigate safely through this deceptive world we live in. They know how babies are made, they know how and why same sex attraction can and does happen, and they know what happens when you don't follow the word of wisdom and how it can limit your choices even though it may seem as if you are free. Most of all they know where Brad and I stand on all issues.
So there you have it: Five core beliefs that help me navigate as a parent. I hope it was not too lengthy or wordy and I hope you're still reading, cause he's the real news.
Ben got his hair cut. It didn't get long enough to donate and wrestling season starts tomorow for him so . . .
When asked how he felt after, he replied, "cold".
A snapshot of illicit computer use at our house and how our kids take pictures and tattle on each other. This was investigative journalism completed illegally and without permission by Riley using the camera he is not supposed to ever ever touch, taking a picture of Kenzy watching studio C when she is supposed to be "studying".
Our latest ski trip as a family. Well, almost all the family, Jordan had to stay behind for wrestling. This time, Riley and Ben climbed to the top of Alberta peak to ski down a double diamond.
On our way back down. It is a little scary if you are 10-12yrs old.
Working into a small choke where you have to jump off a small rock ledge or point the skis straight down to squeeze between the rocks. Dad is really into measuring slope inclination for backcountry avalanche stuff and says this is a 40 degree slope.
Riley makes his first trip up knife ridge and trek to the cat. It took so long to get there that the driver had already closed operations for the day. But after looking at the little boys straggling up behind dad he gave us one more run out to partake of deep turns in fresh powder.
Ben points to where we started the previous run down Alberta peak.
Remember that scene in Better Off Dead where Lane drops in on the K2? Dad shows the little boys where he took Jordan the first time he was up here in a blizzard. Unfortunately all the snow slid off cuz it is so steep so they have to go another way.
Benners decides to go for a swim in deep snow. It only takes him 10 minutes to get back on his feet.
Jakers lost a pole on the last trip. In a fit of rage against the mountain and nature and all forms of crystalized water he left his pole somewhere in the woods. He has to spend the rest of the year with only one pole but this doesn't slow him down any on the flats.
At the end of the day he went with us and he beat me every time, weaving in and out of the trees. Dad took him down a bunch of black diamonds in the morning so now he is basically a PRO.
My favorite picture of Kenzie for the day. She got annoyed with her hair flapping in the wind and came up with a tricksy remedy.
I think these capture here personality perfectly. We just snapped them to show how she braided her hair and hat together. Fun day, fun trip. Great time spent with family.
Saturday was spent all day at Jordan's wrestling match...ugh! Brad says he would rather go clean the church than sit at a tournament all day and that is really saying something, but that is a whole different story.
I like watching him wrestle, but they are long days if you stay and watch every match. He wrestled well for the day. Lost two matches by points, pinned one kid quickly and got pinned in his last match because he tried a dangerous throw which landed him on his back with his opponent squarely on top of him in a great pinning position. He ended up 10th place in his weight bracket.
Funny story behind this picture. I take videos of the matches so he can watch them after. When he was watching them later he heard me say in the video, "Ugh! Why did he just do that!" In frustration at a stupid mistake he'd made. Of course, I only said it loud enough for the video recorder to pick up and didn't think anything of it. Apparently, it bothered him immensely and he told me how unhelpful it was to hear that, even though he never heard it during the match! See, like I said, as a parent we are never perfect ;)
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