A plea to my friends who stay...face the history, do not be afraid.

  I wrote this early in the morning, to a close friend, and I wanted to share it with all.  I hope it is taken as it was meant to be given.  I love you all.  

My dear friend,

It is 4:39 am on Tuesday, the 21st and I can't sleep.  My mind is spinning and one of the many things I was pondering over and thinking about again was the conversation we had yesterday afternoon on the river.  I don't express myself very well off the cuff in a conversation.  I wouldn't make a good podcast interviewer, but when it is quiet and I have time to think and I take time to write, I feel like I can express my inner thoughts and intent much better.  Even that process is imperfect and I probably need an editor as I write down my ideas and thoughts so that one can ask me what exactly it is that I'm trying to express.  Oh well, as the Book of Mormon, asks us, do not judge me due to my weakness in thought and writing. 

Why am I writing you?  Well, because like I said, you are an anomaly in our religion.  You have a good balance about you.  You embrace the good things, support the leaders, have grace and patience for them and can still fight the battle staying in without being contentious or different.  The church accepts people like you and I am realizing more and more that there are members like you out there.  You will stay and that is a blessing for the church and when I am speaking of the church here, I am speaking of the people worldwide that are participating in the faith process that our religion gives them.  You can affect change.  Your style is what our faith accepts.  You have found goodness and a place to serve.  I see it is one of the things that increases your faith in God, in people and allows you to shine in a way that I am proud to call you my friend.  I am leaving, maybe I have already left.  I am definitely 3/4 of the way out (I know you love my numbers ) looking back to see if the 1/4 I have left can stay.  I just don't know if it can and it breaks my heart.

So, why am I so stuck on this concept that we all need to study church history?  Why do I feel like the true context of D & C 132 needs to be openly discussed?  Well, first of all, we have already studied it...or rather, perpetuated a study of our history that most religions don't.  We have embraced and taught the first vision and the restoration of all things.  We have embraced and taught the history of the Book of Mormon, the Gold plates, the angel Moroni, the eight witnesses.  We have a section of our Doctrine and Covenants dedicated to the restoration of the priesthood and the Angels who endowed it.  We all know of the persecution and suffering the saints went through as they first started out as true believers.  We teach about the crossing of the plains.  We talk about the early successes and sacrifices of missionary work.  Yes, we talk and teach about historical context in our church and it has set the stage for the belief that this is God's one true church on earth, that we have a prophet that speaks for God and that to get to the Celestial Kingdom we must embrace these truths through a covenant path that is set forth for us by the church and its leaders.  We are taught, to quote Pres. Hinckley (whom I have a great affection for), "Our whole strength rests on the validity of that [first] vision.  It either occurred or it did not occur.  If it did not, then this work is a fraud.  If it did, then it is the most important and wonderful work under the heavens."  If we cannot begin to debunk a statement like this then there is no progress in our church.  I believe that the church does not rely on the validity of that first vision and here is why.

Joseph Smith lied.  I spoke to you about this earlier.  I think there are two things, and probably more, that we can no longer deny he lied about.  The first, he lied about practicing polygamy to Emma and to the surrounding people.  We know Emma didn't know about many of his unions, we know he publicly denied it and we also know and acknowledge at least 32 polygamous wives (some that were polyandrous by the way).  The second, he lied about the translation of the Book of Abraham.  He did say he translated it directly from the papyrus and we now know he did not.   Both of these are spoken about and addressed in the Gospel Topics Essays on the churchofjesuschrist.org website.  I do not understand his motive and intent in the lies but this certainly must make us question what else he lied about.  What first vision account is true?  The first that he wrote 12 years later or the official first vision account that the church endorses from 1838 .  How did he really receive the priesthood?  From John the Baptist and Peter, James and John or from Lyman Wight in 1831?  Were there really Golden Plates or not?  Was the temple endowment received from God or copied from the Masons?  So many questions to ask and confront.  What does it really matter if the church's intent is to truly bring us members closer to God, make us more Christlike, make families more united, provide a place for us to serve and be a venue for worship and increase faith?  It only matters if we are truly the one true church.  What does it do for us if we accept this history; the things that are true that Joseph Smith was the founder of it; the things we are unsure of like the authorship of the Book of Mormon; the things we know were taught to us in error like the narrative that Joseph translated the Book of Abraham from the Papyrus?  It allows us to get rid of the notion that God will not allow us to be led astray by a prophet, as quoted in our church manuals and taught to me during my lifetime.  Here is the direct quote which originated from President Wilford Woodruff, "The Lord will never permit me or any other man who stands as President of this Church to lead you astray.  It is not in the programme.  It is not in the mind of God.  If I were to attempt that, the Lord would remove me out of my place, and so He will any other man who attempts to lead the children of men astray from the oracles of God and from their duty."  (Official Declaration 1, "Excerpts from Three Addresses by President Woodruff Regarding the Manifesto")

Well, prophets have led us astray.  We were led astray with regards to blacks and the priesthood by Brigham Young.  That's a big one.  We were led astray with the doctrine of needing to be in a polygamous union to get into the Celestial Kingdom.  Who knows whether that doctrine originated with Brigham Young or Joseph Smith.  It still is uncertain.  We were led astray that women never had the priesthood.  I don't know which prophet had women stop giving blessings of healing and exercising their right in the priesthood, but somewhere it did stop.  I could go on but these three things are pretty big things.  They are things that were or weren't initially there, were instated (or taken away), supported and then difficult to get rid of (or reinstate) when we did change them one way or the other.

Why is it so important to me that we talk about this?  Because acknowledging prophetic fallibility and false narratives to endorse their divine calling allows us to make needed changes, collectively, as a whole.  And when I speak of prophetic infallibility I am speaking of more than just Joseph saying, "Emma, pass the salt."  There needs to be change from the top down and from the bottom up and there can't be this change if we are constantly endorsing the all words of the prophet with the stamp of God.

The RLDS church, or Community of Christ, had to deal with this much earlier and that church seems to have a much healthier organization.  I'm not saying it isn't struggling, as I believe all religions are, but it has progressed much farther in its changes and I think that is because they had to face their history much earlier, especially regarding the initial denial of polygamy with the Temple Lot case.  The Community of Christ has a much more diverse leadership. (See https://www.cofchrist.org/), women hold the priesthood, the LGBTQ community is welcomed and cared for.  Of all the Mormon sects, (which I have learned there are many and we are referred to as the Brighamites), I feel like it may be the most healthy.  Granted I have not actively participated in this church so I do not have experience, but their theology definitely has evolved in a way that I see as healthy.

When we know the history we are more prone to question why there is the exclusion policy rather than support it and maybe the exclusion policy never happens in the first place.  When we know the history we do not hold ourselves as the chosen ones and the persecuted ones.  We stop thinking ourselves better than others and we begin to associate with more than just members.  When we know the history we can ask why there is the policy of 20.1.2 where men that hold the Melchezidek priesthood can stand in the circle but not be the voice if they don't hold a temple recommend (You know this is a big one for me).  When we know the history we are not as anguished by a family member choosing a different path in life and possibly less divorce happens.  When we know the history we can ask why the bishop can't sit with his family when his wife needs him there (especially when she has young children) and why we don't hear more women speak in General Conference.  When we know the history we can accept good change and make it much sooner.  We just don't say, "Elder Holland had a real difficult subject to address and it wasn't his finest moment."  We say instead, that the policy (not the language) is hurtful to faithful LGBTQ members of our religion and if we want them to stay it needs to change.  And guess what?  When we make the needed adjustments and recognize prophetic fallibility and see the good the gospel brings into people's lives and strive to get rid of the toxic teachings, not all at once, but little by little...families stay because the history doesn't matter because the fruit is so good.  (That might have been a run on sentence )

Our mutual friend is right.  She always says the people are the church and we are.  We need to not be so afraid to look at what happened in the past, admit our and the prophet's mistakes and move forward.  It is impossible to go through life without causing pain.  Your uncle's book details this well.  However, it is possible to make atonement and we must make it.

I hope you see more into my heart now.  And I hope you carry this message.  Because, like I said, I don't know that I can stay.

I hope none of this destroys your faith because your faith is beautiful and I love you for it.  I love you for the grace and patience you've given me to truly search.  Thank you for being my friend.