Snow, snow, snow, snow, SNOW!

Name that musical.  Okay, I give you a hint with the youtube clip.  Anyway, we had a lot of snow this week.  Tons!  It snowed, and snowed, and snowed and snowed.

Of course, being a lover of the mountains that Brad is, he couldn't resist the urge to play.  On a rare Saturday rest from any tournaments, Jordan was the partner of choice to accompany him on a back country skiing adventure.  They brought the snow machines to help them access the back country.  Brad said the snow was so deep that day that to ski was actually impossible.  So, instead played around on the snowmobiles.  Even on the snowmobiles with the snow as deep as it was they sometimes ended up buried.

As you can imagine, it took them a little while to get themselves out of this one.

After it snowed, it froze.  We had a couple of days where the temperature never got out of the teens for the day.  I know this isn't extreme as some other places, but for here that is COLD!  On one of our days off Brad's favorite place to ski received 18 inches of snow.  He decided to take Ben and Riley out for a day.  He said when he left the car it was 2 degrees and that for most of the day it was below freezing.  I don't know how they made it through but they ended up staying the entire day on the hill (although I do think Ben and Riley had to sit out a couple of runs).  

Yesterday was spent back on the mat again with Jordan.  It was a tournament fairly close to home so Brad and I got to attend.  He took 6th out of a group of 16 in his weight bracket.  Though the day spent at the tournament was long it was fun to be able to watch him wrestle.

How long must one stay silent?

That is my question today.  There is so much divisiveness in our current world, divisiveness that wasn't there when I was younger.  Divisiveness that I most certainly didn't feel.

The other day, over Christmas break, I was on the light rail traveling from the Denver Airport to a meeting my husband and I had to attend.  I noticed everyone that got on.  I noticed the older black gentleman who boarded and I thought, "Does he hate me because I'm white?  Does he see that I am white?"  I noticed the middle Easterner and thought, "Could he be a terrorist?"  And I noticed the white, disheveled man and wondered, "Is this the crazy guy that's going to shoot us all?"  I noticed them all.  I noticed their color.  I noticed their appearance.  I noticed the way they held themselves.  I noticed if they were with a boy or a girl.  I noticed.

I grew up in a wealthier suburb of Seattle Washington.  When I was in the eighth grade I had some very close friends named Noni and Robert.  I was especially close with Robert that year because we rode the bus from our homes to the junior high together every day.  Robert was a cool kid.  He was a funny kid.  Robert always called me, "nigger".  I don't know why.  I didn't think anything of it.  I didn't know what it meant.  It was just a word he used.  Then, one day when I was with Noni and Robert I called Noni "nigger".  Noni was immediately angered, which I totally understand now, but at the time didn't.  I was confused and hurt when she was so angry.  If Robert could use the word and it was okay, why couldn't I?  After all, we were all the same weren't we?  Noni's brother threatened to come and beat me up.  After many apologies, Noni forgave me.  You can bet though that after the fallout from that I never used the nigger word again.

Why am I sharing this story?  Not because I think the word nigger is okay to use.  Not because I think Noni was in the least bit wrong to have been mad at me but to make the point that I used that word because I didn't think of myself as any different than Noni or Robert.  It was the first time that it was pointed out to me that I was different.  You see, Noni and Robert were both black....and I was white.

My 2nd big crush was on Bryan Agbalog.  He wasn't white. I don't even know what nationality he was...perhaps he was of an Islander descent, like Moana.

My best friend in high school was Susan Miller.  She was half white and half Vietnamese.  She was the smartest girl I knew.

What does White mean anyway?  Does it mean you're from Spain, Argentina, England, France, where?  Why do I have to put down what color I am on any form that I have to fill out for the government?  Why do I have to put down what color my children are on every form every year that they have to fill out for school?

I would say Susan was half American and half Vietnamese but when I lived in Argentina for two years it was pointed out to me that they live in America too.

I was with my friend, Karina, the other day eating lunch.  She took me out for my birthday.  When I am with Karina I don't see color, I only see my friend.  Karina is latina.

But today, it doesn't just stop with color, does it?

Today there was a woman's march protesting the inequality of women.  Do you know that they asked all women who are pro-life supporters to not attend the march?  I am a pro-life supporter.  If I am pro-life can I not be feminist?

If I voted for Donald Trump does it mean I'm not feminist?  Do you know that I have been afraid to tell people that I voted for President Trump?  That is not okay.  Not in a nation that claims to be diverse and accepting.

I see the signs these feminists are holding up.  The best was this, "He will not divide us."  He...as in Donald Trump He.  No need for him to divide us we are doing it ourselves.

If I am religious and hold to a high moral standard I am judgmental, I am naive.  My opinion is not worth hearing.

I agree, at times, I have been naive and judgmental, but I also listen carefully and I have changed my view on some issues.  You ask for one example?  Evolution.  Yes, I believe in evolution and God.

How though can we have productive conversations when there is so much hate and name calling?  How can we make progress if ours is the only opinion worth listening to?

I want the women marching today to know I hear them.  I understand they are concerned about the rights that may be taken away during this presidency.  I ask them to also hear me.  Hear that I believe in women's rights but I also believe in the sacredness of a child's life.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to see color when I see a person.  It makes me weary.  I want to see them as they truly are.

The iphone quandry

So my first teenage story is about iphones/smart phones/technology.

Brad and I have always been very strict with technology.  We've had xboxes in our house, only to get rid of it shortly thereafter because it is a time waster.  For many years we were without any television unless we brought a movie home.  That's changed since we got our smart TV and have access to amazon prime now.  Computer use was at a very low minimum and certainly never used to play games.  And phones, well, I provided my kids with basic phones in high school.  They had a shared basic phone in junior high that they took when they were traveling with sports and activities.  I didn't ever want to buy them a smartphone because I don't want them abusing the technology like I see most teenagers do.

This past summer McKenzie babysat A LOT.  She made A LOT of money.  And she, unlike her brothers, saves her money.  When at the end of the summer she had a significant amount saved up she asked me if she could purchase her own iphone.  Couple this with the fact that I had just had a conversation with one of my acquaintances about iphones and how it is better to give your children these tools when they are under your supervision to teach them appropriate use than when they are in college and I found myself saying, "yes McKenzie.  You can purchase your own iphone."

Immediately upon saying yes, I called up my sister Melissa, who has older children who have been through this, and asked her what her rules on technology were.  She gave me the following excellent advice (which her pediatrician gave her )which I implemented (or tried to implement) right away.

1.  All social media usernames and passwords must be given to me.
2.  All apps have to be added and approved by me.
3.  I can look at your phone any time.
4.  No texts are to be erased unless I erase them.
5.  All snap chat friends have to have been met by me and approved by me.
6.  No phones during chores.
7.  No phone use after 9:00 at night.
8.  All phones charge in my room at night.
9.  I have the right to take away the phone at any time if you are abusing my rules.

We spoke about this in depth before she got her phone and even though she agreed to the rules, I found myself fighting her on cell phone usage.  Three main offenses she commited:  One, she didn't want to give me the phone at nine.  Two, she would hide in the bathroom with the phone while chores were being done (I implemented a no phones in the bathroom rule after that).  Three, apps were added that I didn't approve...like amazon TV.  When I tried to take the phone away the battles I had to fight were relentless.  

In the first month Mckenzie had it taken away for at least half of it.  Every day, she would tell me how SHE bought the phone and how it wasn't right that we could take it away.  Every day I had to stand firm in the punishment.  And at one point, in December, when again phone usage had started another fight between she and I, she had it taken away for a full four weeks.  Now here I have to be grateful to my husband because this four week punishment is when it finally sunk in that really, she had to follow the rules.  He held fast to that four weeks, something I probably would have given up on after two.  By the end of the four weeks, we had another in depth discussion between the two of us and came up with the following two additional rules.

1.  No technology on Sundays.  My phone is off, her phone is off.  Calls to relatives are the only exceptions.

2.  No technology when the family is playing a game, watching a movie, or otherwise interacting with each other.

I do believe that it is wise to teach them how to use the technology now.  If she is open with me on her phone she will be open with her spouse on her phone.  If I can see what is on her social media, her future employer can see what is on her media.  And, if she can put her phone down during family time now, she can put her phone down when her kids need her in the future.  It was worth the fight.  It was worth the education.

My rule for iphones now is no iphones/smartphones until highschool and only then can you have one when you can purchase one yourself.  Teach them that they are searching for friends when they are on social media and social media will never give you a meaningful relationship...only people can do that and that only comes from talking with them person to person.

I think every parent considering an iphone for their kids needs to watch this first. I watched it with my kids this week.  It must have had an impact because for the first time when Kenzie went to her friends house this weekend she purposely left her phone home citing the excuse, "I mean, I want meaningful relationships, right mom?"
   

In the Bleak midwinter

Frosty wind made moan...yes, I sang that song many a time in junior high.  Yes, we are in the bleak midwinter right now. Yes, it has snowed almost every day for the last week.  It's been a wierd snow though mixed with sleet and rain and ice and getting up our driveway has been quite the challenge this year.  Especially with a trailer.  Yes, we played bumper cars with our new suburban and truck on New Years eve trying to get the snowmobile trailer up the driveway.  Lucky for me, it was Brad's bright idea that day to try and get the trailer out.  And yes, our cars suffered some minor (it could have been much worse) damage.  And yes, Brad has some major tools now to get us unstuck from our driveway.  He didn't enjoy that in the least.  And of course, the night was so tense when it happened I neglected to take a picture.  I wisely stayed out of Brad's way while he was getting everything unstuck.

This is what our table looks like in the bleak midwinter when Jordan and Kenzie are absent due to bleak midwinter activities.

 We miss those older kiddos.

In the bleak midwinter we would normally ski.  Unfortunately, Brad's hardware in his leg is making it too difficult to have a ski boot on.  He is looking forward to having it removed this coming spring.

In the bleak midwinter we also spend a lot of time in gyms at wrestling tournaments.

Since you are unable to be there with us, (yes I know you are sad about missing those long days in sweaty gyms) you can see Jordan's latest dual match here and here.  Yesterday he was in a tournament in Arvada which due to the distance, 7 hours of travel time, we did not attend.  His record now is 10 wins, 11 losses for the season, much better than last year but not quite where he wants to be.  Jordan has this "pin or lose" thing going on.  He is not good at just getting points when the opponent is equal to him.  He is getting better though.  He is good enough to be winning more.

While Jordan was in Aravada yesterday, and since he can't ski, Brad decided to take the little boys out snowmobiling to make the bleak midwinter a little less bleak.  While out he met up with the snowmobile king of our area and was taught a lot of good lessons.  I guess he'll be snowmobiling more...as if he didn't have enough activities to do.

On bleak midwinter days, with the boys absent, Kenzie and I have some good time to talk.  Yesterday we talked about a lot of things but had a special opportunity to talk about Heavenly Father's love for her.  One of the things that struck me most was she said she feels like Heavenly Father is a punishing father, a mean father, an unfair father.  This may have to do with a little exercise that happened in her seminary class where the teacher decided to divide the class into the three separate divisions of the afterlife (the celestial, telestial and outer darkness) for the remainder of the year saying you could only sit in the celestial room if....and had a long list of ifs here.  Those who chose the telestial room thought it would be nice to live with god, but it wasn't their top priority.  iN outer darkness the curtain was drawn closed and you could do with that what you like because you didn't care at all about going to heaven.  My kids both came home appalled at the divisions and I told them...don't worry about it.  Sister blank (I won't mention her name here) means well and is doing her best.  Go to whatever kingdom you like.  You are present and that is what matters.  Now, most parents would also go to the teacher and complain...and I thought about it...but I have a wise husband who said, "Chelsey let it be.  Our kids need lessons like this in life.  Let it be."  And I did let it be. Anyway, let's bring this back to what Kenzie said.  I think it is so important to not present that idea of God being a harsh God to our teenagers and youth.  I asked her, do you ever hear the prophets and apostles of the church telling you that you are not good enough?  Can you think of one talk from President Monson where he said that? Elder Uchtdorf?  Elder Eyring?
Her answer, no.  I had a good discussion with her on weaknesses and how the Lord expects us to overcome them.  This also led to a great discussion with her on our stance on homosexuality and same gender attraction.  I was able to follow this up with the new videos that the church has put out entitled Mormon and Gay.  You can find them on lds.org.  I loved the time I spent talking with her yesterday.  That one on one interaction is SO needed with teeanagers.

Something that brightened my bleak midwinter blues was Kenzie's one act musical this weekend where she and three others performed.  They totally blew it our of the water!  The kids were AMAZING!  I loved every second of the play.  You can watch some you tube clips of it here, here, here and here.  They are not the best visual recording but the sound is great!  She is doing wonderfully which makes all the heartache with Shea and DPAC (her former theater club) worth it all.  Oh, I haven't told you about Shea and DPAC?  Well, let me summarize.  Kenzie and her friends in the theater club.  Friends get moved up and Kenzie get left behind.  Several emails from me to the director, Shea, with no response.   Finally, after bugging the director, director says to me Kenzie is not as good as the others (In 7th grade, really you can tell who the stars are?)  Kenzie wants to quit.  I say no...stick it out.  You are too talented to quit.  The beginning of her 8th grade year I sign her up for voice with Jill.  Following year, same thing happens.   Same wanting to quit.  I say no, stick it out.  Jill says no...stick it out.  You are too talented to quit.  This is how the real world works.  Kenzie sticks it out and continues to improve and this year, it's paying off.  New directors...and they love her. It is so cool to see your kids excel at something they have worked at for so long.  There is no better feeling.  It makes this bleak midwinter a little brighter.

Forgotten

When I was in seventh grade I played basketball.  I still remember my coach, his name was Chris Church and I remember that he loved the Band The Who.  We all kind of had a crush on this coach because he was young and cute and we were, well 12 and that's what 12 years old do.   Anyway, the crush we had on our coach is extraneous information, back to the story. One night we arrived in the parking lot coming home from an away game.  All my team mates exited the bus with me and waited patiently in the parking lot for all of our parents to come and pick us up.  One by one, all my friends were picked up until finally is was just Coach and me waiting for my parents to pick me up.  Fifteen minutes passed, the 30 minutes, and finally an hour.  Yes, my parents, I'm sure busy trying to keep up with all five of us, had forgotten that I needed to be picked up.  It was such a tragic event in my life, I swore that I, as a parent, would NEVER forget to pick up my own children one day.

Recently Jake decided he wanted to join the after school chess club.  This club meets once a week on Wednesday until 3:40 pm.  When he brought home the form for me to sign, we discussed that I work every other week and he can only attend the Wednesdays I don't work.  He understood and turned in his form.  That very Wednesday I was off from work.  Thinking that he and I had clearly understood that he would attend every Wednesday I didn't work Jake attended the chess club that afternoon.  No mention to me that he would need to be picked up that afternoon.  What Jake didn't realize is I barely distinguish one weekday from another.  Many are the days that I really have to focus to know which day it truly is.  So, I went on with my day completing all the chores that I have to get accomplished on my days off.  Arriving home at 5:00 pm, Riley greets me and asks, "Where's Jake?"  To which I replied, "I don't know.  Where's Jake?"  To which he responded, "MOM!  You were supposed to pick him up at the school.  He went to chess club"  To which I asked frantically, "What time was I supposed to pick him up and why didn't he tell me?"  3:40.  3:40 was when I was supposed to pick him up.  I instantly put my car in reverse and headed back up to pick up my forgotten son hoping this wouldn't affect him for life and imagining the many chastisements the school supervisor would be giving me when I arrived.  Soon I was at the school and there was Jake sitting by a team practicing soccer all by himself teary-eyed and worried.  I felt like the worst mom ever and couldn't believe I had forgotten to pick him up.  I had forgotten it was Wednesday.

As soon as he got in the car we discussed what he needed to do if I wasn't prompt ever in the future.  We discussed making sure the supervising teacher knew we were still there.  I made sure he memorized my cell phone and I apologized profusely.  You can guarantee now, he and I both make sure I know when it's chess club Wednesday.

The teenage years

This morning I had the opportunity to read past blogs about my children as toddlers and I found myself laughing, smiling, enjoying the stories as I recounted them.  I am so glad I wrote down those stories.  As I was reflecting on these stories I realized that something my blog is lacking is similar stories with teenagers.  Yes, I am in the thick of the teenage parenting years and there definitely are stories to share.  If I analyze the reason why I haven't shared these stories I believe I have been reticent to share them for this one reason...being a parent of a teenager is quite emotionally involved.  At the time of the incidents, I am so emotionally exhausted I don't want to share anything about them. The toddler - 12 years are much different.  They are physically demanding, but once you are over the physical exhaustion, you can laugh...or even laugh while you're in it.  The teenage years are emotionally demanding.  That emotional drain may take a week, a month or a year to get over and yes, instead of laughing, I do find myself in tears.  I find that the parenting teenage stories aren't really out there on the internet either...is this because we only want the good and glossy?  What looks pretty?  What ends happy? And while, yes, some days our time together ends playing steam roller on my bed trying to get them out of my room, sometimes they end angry too.  So my goal for 2017 is this:  I am going to share the parenting experience of the teenage years.  I am going to try to share them as they are.  And hopefully, I will try to draw it all together with something that I learned as a parent.  Hopefully something positive will come out for you, my children later, as parents.  I want you to know I was real.  I want you to know I was human.  I want you to know that there were nights when I felt like the worst parent ever and there were other night where I felt like I rocked it.  Through it all though, the good, the bad and the ugly realize that I, as your mom, feel so blessed to have been given such good children.  Here's to the teenage years.  

It's hard to keep up in December

I'm admitting defeat.  I tried to do it weekly, but well, last Sunday WAS Christmas and I was still catching up.  Maybe I should allow a bi-weekly allowance during December:)

We did have a nice Christmas break this year.  We had from Wednesday December 21-through Wednesday December 28th off completely from the office and a break that long was the first for Brad and I.  Last year I think we worked up until the 23rd and I had to get to work on the Christmas stuff right away.  I even had time to write a Christmas letter this year but I didn't get it out :/  Next year I'm writing it in October if I can remember.

While Kenzie and I were busy cooking and prepping for Christmas day the boys started a project together building this:

Projects like this always create good family memories together.  Plus, they develop woodworking skills.

The only thing left to do now is stain it.

Harry Potter fever was revived in our family this past Christmas Break as I got the Library books for Jake to read at home.  I'm trying to propel him on to harder reading levels because Jake kind of slides by reading only what he has too.  Kenzie and Riley completed the whole series during the break and Jake is on book three.  We again watched the first and second movies for Jake.  He's never seen them...or can't remember seeing them.  Not sure which.

We decided to have Christmas one day early due to the fact that Christmas was on the Sabbath.  While, yes, Christmas does go quite nicely with the Sabbath day when we focus on Christ, both Brad and I felt the opening of presents would be better on a day other than the Sabbath.  So, we had Christmas Eve on the 23rd and Christmas on the 24th.  Santa Claus had to wake up early because he forgot to deliver a present under the tree and all the little children awoke with him.  We are mean parents though and made them stay in bed until 8:00 am.  Even Kenzie, our sleeper-iner, was up and excited.

A lot of great and thoughtful gifts were given.  Jake made everyone his own gifts this year.  Most were pretty cute.

(Yes, I'm not afraid to put ugly pictures of me on here if it shows the gift.)

While others, were well...interesting.

We're pretty sure it's meant to be a paper holder with pictures of all the family on the block.  And yes, the pictures pop out.

Riley was sweet and spent all the money he had earned for shoveling dirt in the back yard on presents for each and every one.

Ben, well, he gifted us his treehouse.

And yes, Kenzie and Jordan gave gifts too.  Jordan gave me a 3D vase he had made in school with a 3D printer.  Unfortunately, it leaked water and we can't use it as a vase.

I got Brad a picture of his favorite mountain to back country ski to put up in our room.  Here's him pointing to a couple of the spots he likes to tour there.

Brad got me a heart rate monitor.  At least, I think it's for me, but he obviously meant it for dual use as it was a man's heart rate monitor.

Regardless it works for me.  Now I know I have a resting heart rate of 55, a threshold heart rate of 165, and a maximum heart rate of 190.  It also keeps track of calories burned during my workouts...he bought this cause Coach Troy (my personal DVD biking trainer) told us we should have one.  And yes, me and Coach Troy are tight.  Right now during winter we spend at least two work-out sessions together and this week we spent four.  Brad's a little jealous.

Jake got...

 6 rolls of masking tape!  Really!  And even though I didn't catch it...he was SO excited because he could use it whenever.  This pleased Brad immensely because he thought Jake would love it but really went out on a limb here.

This may have been our simplest Christmas yet and our most enjoyable.  I actually loved separating the present opening and the worship of the Savior.  It made for two very peaceful Christmas days together.

 (Yes, there is a funny story here about the neck pillow but it's too long to go in here and everyone from our immediate family will get the joke.)

 As for the rest of week...we took plenty of selfies to prove to myself I could look good and without double chins in pictures since all the christmas ones are terrible.  Different themes in each.

Fun...

 Sophisticated...

And silly....

Brad and I took a day trip to Denver for office business.  That was fun. We woke at 4:00 in the morning and didn't get back until 8:30 at night.

And the kids played lots of games...risk and settlers.

Oh, and Ben got rid of that crazy hair.

Before:

 After:

And just so you know, it's equally as hard to tame short as it is long.